end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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