Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The feeling are messing with the penis
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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