I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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