I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
last night I used snow as a chaser
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