so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
