I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize