if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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