Apparently you make a good broom.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
