ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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