I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
