just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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