i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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