Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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