I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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