Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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