I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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