Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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