hell yes lets make some ravioli
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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