I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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