wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
