my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
