just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
