i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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