Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
