The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
