I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
