Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
