After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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