She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
