why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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