walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
