I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize