Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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