you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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