This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
