I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
