He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
