recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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