im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
