just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
