Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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