so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
