Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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