What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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