Need sex. Gaining weight.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
