You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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