And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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