I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
