so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
