no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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