I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
