just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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