He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
