He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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