i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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