it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
