Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
