Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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