a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
