I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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