DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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