Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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