Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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