I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
