Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I smell stomach acid.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
