; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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