I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
