After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
