I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
