3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
