things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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