thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
