So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
