At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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