my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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