how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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