Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize