i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
4 words: hood of his car
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
