a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
