it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
