What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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