At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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