I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
